Riding the Rollercoaster of Grief: Finding Light Through Loss

By Madison Westbrook, MS, LPC-Associate supervised by Heidi-Tournoux-Hanshaw, LPC-S

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Grief is one of life’s most profound emotional experiences. It can arise from the death of a loved one, the end of a significant relationship, or the painful realization that you’ll no longer speak to or see someone who once meant everything to you. Regardless of the reason, grief is love’s echo, a testament to what once was and a reminder of what we now must carry differently.

Understanding the Grieving Process

We often hear that grief comes in “stages,” but that language can be misleading. The idea that we’ll move from denial to anger to bargaining and eventually land in acceptance suggests a neat, linear path. But grief doesn’t follow rules. It doesn’t arrive in order, and it rarely ever truly ends.

Grief is not a cycle.It’s a rollercoaster.

Some days, the ride is smooth. Others, you’re climbing a steep emotional hill only to be thrown into a sudden drop that takes your breath away. One moment you’re laughing at a memory, and the next, you’re crying in the grocery store because you saw their favorite snack.

And all of this is normal.

Grief doesn’t look the same for everyone. And that’s okay. There’s no “right” way to grieve, only your way.

Sources of Grief Beyond Death

We often associate grief solely with the loss of life, but emotional loss can be just as devastating. The end of a relationship, the estrangement from a friend or family member, or even the decision to walk away from someone toxic can still bring about deep sorrow.

You’re grieving a future that will never happen. You’re mourning connection, comfort, intimacy, and the shared experiences that now only live in memory.

Whatever the cause of your grief, your pain is valid. Your process matters.

Techniques to Alleviate the Pain of Grief

While grief may never fully disappear, there are ways to ease the weight and make space for healing.

1. Grief Journaling

Writing can be a powerful release. Use a grief journal to:

●      Write letters to the person you've lost.

●      Document your emotions each day.

●      Reflect on memories—good, painful, or unresolved.

●      Explore what you wish you could say.

Journaling doesn’t need to be structured. It just needs to be honest. However, if the grief is especially heavy and life seems debilitating, limit yourself to 15-30 minutes of journaling a day. Once that time is up, put the journal away in a place you cannot see it.

2. Let Yourself Feel Without Judgment

There is no emotion in grief that is “too much” or “too long.” Cry if you need to. Laugh when you can. Scream if it helps. Bottling it up only makes the ache grow louder.

3. Create a Memory Ritual

Rituals bring comfort and connection. Light a candle, visit a place that reminds you of them, play a song, or wear something they gave you. Rituals can help you feel close while accepting distance.

4. Talk to Someone You Trust

Grief is isolating, but it’s not something we’re meant to carry alone. Whether it’s a therapist, support group, or a compassionate friend, sharing your story out loud can lighten the load.

5. Move Your Body

Gentle movement, like walking or yoga, can help release stored emotion. Grief lives in the body. Moving gives it space to shift and release.

6. Give Yourself Permission to Heal

You don’t have to stay broken to honor the past. You can miss them and still choose joy. You can love what you lost and still build a beautiful future. Healing is not betrayal, it’s survival.

Life After Grief

There is life beyond the ache. You may never be the same, but you will find a new normal. One where the pain softens, and the memories warm instead of wound. Over time, you’ll smile more than you cry. You’ll carry the love, not just the loss.

Coping with grief is like cleaning glitter up off of the floor after dropping a pound of it. The glitter is everywhere and so evident, making it easy to find and clean at first. Eventually, you come to believe that all of the glitter has been cleaned up. Then, one day, you move the couch and find a small pile of, once forgotten, glitter.

Hope doesn’t mean forgetting.Hope means learning to live with the absence and still choosing life.

“Grief, I’ve learned, is really just love. It’s all the love you want to give, but cannot. All that unspent love gathers up in the corners of your eyes, the lump in your throat, and in that hollow part of your chest. Grief is just love with no place to go.” — Jamie Anderson